I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
