she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
