i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
