Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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