ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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