I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
