Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
