Jerry, you need to find god
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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