You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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