theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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