You really coming over, don't trick.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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