Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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