She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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