I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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