he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
