thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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