If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Randomize
