Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
