Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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