I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
