i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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