tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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