I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I lost the right to judge tonight
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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