so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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