I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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