Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
