2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
