i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
