ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
