DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that's an acceptable place to lick
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
