The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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