Define "chronic" masturbator.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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