well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
