She announced her abortion via fbk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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