she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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