How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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