Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
