My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
