she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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