Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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