I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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