3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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