I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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