12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
