Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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