hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
