There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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