It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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