I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
