I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
