If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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