Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
