Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
