alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
