i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
