if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
