Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I want a musical about memes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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