He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
