At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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