I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
should my penis look like a turkey
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
