Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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