I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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