I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
