Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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