I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
