Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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